Al Kags

Poor, Poor Silvio!

Contrition Personified. Silvio, looking very sorry for his deeds.

Silvio Berlusconi is back in Malindi, after being sentenced to four years in Prison.

He is sure to rue the day he was born now…! The Huffington post reports that it is merely a “Healthy retreat” because he is “tired”. Quite understandable after 2500 court appearances in 106 trials at a cost of €200M. What a cruel world, this is. To persecute a good media mogul so and then send him to such a hell hole as an exotic resort town to relax. I mean, all the poor man ever did was make money by hook or crook! Since when was that a crime…?

Oh, the poor, poor man. to have to endure sunny days at one of Africa’s most beautiful coastal destinations (I am biased, being from there), in the midst of beautiful women, sipping cocktails staring mournfully at the picturesque sunset, while being served, massaged and generally fussed about hand and foot by attentive waiters. What a deplorable life he has been consigned to..! So unfair. Really, So unfair.

And it’s a good thing that Kenya has a very firm and very clear position on how to punish such convicted public figures as Berlusconi. We consign them via leer jet (leering at the ignorant masses as we do this) to unbearable places like this:, burden them with increased parliamentary salaries and allowances, make them credible election candidates and actually consider making them president – and in the case of wayward president, insist on their coming to sit on the shaded dais as we launch the constitution of the people.

This is an issue upon which, as a country, we have placed our feet firmly on the ground – with appropriate shuffling to accomodate our bulging pockets that aid in tax collection from such criminals – via high end stores and the purchases of luxury goods.

We do this inspite of occasional feeble protest from Civil Society Organisations and the complete ignorance of the masses, who wouldn’t even know who wouldn’t know the difference between Silvio Berlusconi and Long John Silver. After all, we all know that they don’t read, right?

As for Silvio, I’m with my friend Kuxi Ghai: I give him a week at that deplorable “healthy retreat”, and he will be begging to go to prison back in Italy, or at least, be allowed to stay at Shimo La Tewa Prison in Mombasa.

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